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32 Reasons Why Marriages Fail | Unveiling the Common Causes

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A life partner is the most important person in our life because you choose them as the person you grow old with. You choose them for a lifetime, still a lot of marriages nowadays don’t work out well. They end up becoming the worst experience of your life, an experience that changes you as a whole. Just like a good partner can build you up and give you the best moment in life, a bad partner can make you experience hell on earth. As the divorce rate plunges to an all-time high, there are so many factors that contribute to the most common reason why marriages fail. Yes, it’s not just cheating; there are a lot more issues we overlook. And they accumulate into problems that can potentially end your marriage.

 

1. No Communication

The number one reason marriages fail is lack of communication. A Marriage is more than about love, it’s about a peaceful home, a sanctuary. The person you marry is the one you put all your trust in. If you don’t feel heard, seen and included in their life, you feel lost. The base of strong companionship is communication. This is one of the biggest reasons why marriages fail because a lot of people in marriage do not have strong communication with their partners.

2. Uncontrolled Anger issues

Uncontrolled anger is another of the main causes of divorce. Regardless of how much you love your partner, if you can’t control yourself in anger, you may end up hurting them and ultimately losing them. Your partner may forgive you once, everyone has their boundaries. They can’t withstand after a certain time, and you have anger issues.

 

3.Financial problem

Financial stability is an important consideration in marriage. Lack of transparency about financials is also one of the reasons why marriages fail nowadays. When things become unexpectedly terrible, and your family suffers because you never communicated about it to your partner, marriages often come to an end. If your partner understands your situation, they know your struggle, they may support you. Therefore, transparency about your financial condition is important.

4. Self-centeredness of partner

You have to be selfless, empathetic and compassionate towards your partner. When you are in a marriage, you can’t just think of yourself. Now, you are a family, and your future plans, growth plans, and struggles should be mutual. Self-centeredness can create a lot of trouble for you.

5. Infidelity/Extramarital affair

An extramarital affair is one of the biggest reasons why a lot of marriages come to an end. This is the red line for many people in a relationship. However, it is very difficult for people who have attachments to their partner and then their partner cheats on them, their hearts torn apart in pieces.

6. Inability to build a friendship bond

Many couples today are married, but they aren’t friends. Friendship makes every relationship a bit stronger because that’s the ultimate expression of care, trust and companionship. Marriage is a lifetime companionship; friendship makes it easier to navigate the difficult times. This is why many couples who live their life with superficial relationships and have a strong bonding often end the marriage because they don’t feel supported.

7. Only One person is Growing

One of the major issues faced by women who choose to become housewives. They end up feeling like they are not worthy. No one makes as many sacrifices as a mother does. Especially the mothers who forsake their careers and become a stay-at-home mom who feels like their lives have stopped. Not just a career, a woman who becomes a mother gets a significant change in her body.  Every housewife has let go of the wonderful independent woman she could become if she pursued her dream career. After all the sacrifice, when their spouses begin to make them feel like they are nothing. This breaks their hearts, and constant feelings often make them put the marriage off.

8. Inability to Express love

Regardless of how much you love your partner, if you can’t express it, they can’t know it, and they can’t feel special. If they don’t feel special, they may feel like they are unloved. Your partner may suffer even if there is nothing wrong on your side; it’s just that you do not communicate. The inability to express love can make your partner feel unloved throughout the relationship.

9. Violence and Abuse

Physical Violence is a boundary line in many relationships; you have to control your anger. You have to set boundaries. Even in anger, you can’t have outbursts on your partner once you begin to abuse your partner physically; it’s a red line for many and one of the major reasons why marriages fail.

10. Intolerance for Each Other

Nobody is perfect; everyone has some bad habits and some good habits; it’s you who decides whether their goodness outweighs their negative traits or vice versa. On occasions, you have to show tolerance for each other; you can let go of this much about the person you love.

11. Suffocated and empty marriages

Unavailability has become the biggest problem in marriages at times. Often, people do not pay attention to quality time and communication, but it can birth to biggest problems in your marriage. A lot of people feel suffocated in an empty relationship where they are bound to be with their partner; there is no emotional connection between them, which weakens their relationship.

 

12. Absence of Love

Love and support matter a lot in a marriage. You marry the person who you choose to grow old with. When you are weak and tired, you have to have a person who can empathize with you, understand your handicaps, and become your support, which is intrinsically possible when a person loves you.

13. Lack of Shared Goals

In modern society, family dynamics have changed; every individual wants personal and professional growth in life. They have goals that they can’t sacrifice for marriage. When two partners have different goals in life, they may end up feeling lost after some time, this is one of the reasons why even two successful people end up separating because their approach towards life doesn’t match.

14. Life Altering Events

Life-altering moments show the true colors of people in your life. Sometimes, even the persons you think are your loved ones turn their back on you in difficult times, such as unemployment, chronic illness, having no kids, and many more. Many happy couples end up divorcing instead of navigating through the difficult situation and becoming each other’s support. This is also one of the reasons why marriages fail.

15. Change in Priorities

Change in priorities often becomes the biggest reason why marriages fail when other people’s involvement in your life is to the extent that your partner feels abandoned. There, you have to set boundaries and priorities in your life for a successful marriage.

16. You have an All-consuming Hobby

Having a hobby is fine, instead of a healthy practice in a marriage relationship. But if that hobby is consuming all your time, and you have no time for family or your partner. Your spouse may end up feeling lonely, unloved, and unimportant in your life, which becomes one of the reasons why marriages fail. Therefore, a balance between family and hobby and work is important for a healthy life.

17. Lack of Compassion and Understanding

If your spouse is unable to feel your pain and can’t understand your troubles, it can be an extremely heartbreaking and helpless feeling for you. Lack of compassion and understanding instigate unresolved fights and severe misunderstandings.

 

18. Marriage for ulterior motives

Marriages that take place for ulterior motives instead of a clear commitment to living together end once the motive is fulfilled. Because your partner never cares about you, it could be the status, money, or other ulterior motives that they wanted.

19. One-Sided Efforts Only

Even you genuinely love your partner with all your heart, but lacks at showing efforts to make you believe, it’s similar to not loving them. Your efforts to make them your priority matter a lot, and it reflects in your every act; you won’t have to go above and beyond to show effort.

20. Too Many Unrealistic Expectations

Communicating expectations is a crucial element whether it’s a marriage or relationship. Setting unrealistic expectations may put both of you in constant unhappiness. You have to decide whether this person is worth living with or not. If you stay in a marriage where both of you have unrealistic expectations from each other, you may remain in constant unhappiness.

21. Too Much Involvement of Outsiders

Too much involvement of outsiders in your relationship can create trouble in your marriage. Privacy is most important aspect in your relationship. If everyone is allowed to give you opinion about your personal life your relations get damage and this becomes one of the reasons why couples divorce after 25 years of marriage.

22. Too much possessiveness

Too much possessiveness may suffocate your partner. Because possessiveness leads to indirect control. In marriages where one partner is extremely possessive of another, refrain them from doing everything they don’t like. Your partner may feel lifeless and lost, it can this cause depression and end your marriage.

23. Distrust

Trust is the strongest pillar of a marriage. Marrying someone you can’t rely 100 percent with everything create troubles for both persons. Spouse should share a bond of trust, and mutual understanding.

24. Lack of Empathy

A lot of couples who are married for decades but they don’t share a bond of empathy. This causes extreme distress for your partner, who wishes for love and support in difficult times. Your partner is the person who knows your life from the very close; if they lack empathy, life becomes hell. In most cases this becomes one of the reasons why marriages fail.

25. Too Much Time on SNA

Spending too much time on social networking apps and interacting with people can create doubts and jealousy in your partner’s heart.

26. Difference in Opinions

Your opinions may vary, but still, it could be a healthy relationship, however, If your opinions vary to the extent that what’s wrong for you is considered right for your partner. It may become troublesome for both of you.

27. Difference in your approaches to live life

The difference in the idea of living a life becomes a major handicap for both partners. If your way of life doesn’t suit your partner, then you are bound to suffocate each other one day. The different approaches to living a life can become a reason for many to end their wedding.

28. It’s only An Attraction and Not Love

People confuse attraction for love. Love is passionate; it nurtures in different phases of life. If you feel like you are losing passion and start being attracted to another person, then you are not in love. You should avoid getting involved with another person when you are not sorted about your feelings.

29. Losing your yourself (your self-esteem, self-respect)

Nothing hurts more than losing yourself in a relationship. Many people suffer from silent behavior in relationships; they feel like they are giving a lot of love but aren’t receiving a similar amount. Which hurts their self-esteem, and they often feel their self-respect is doomed.

30. No respect for each other

Respect is a crucial element in marriage; many couples in today’s marriages may share mutual love but not respect. Respects are boundaries for some things that you will never say and some things that you will never do, regardless of how upset you are or how difficult the situation is.

31. Substance Abuse

If you have fallen for substance addiction, then you don’t just make life difficult for you but also for your loved ones. In today’s society, substance abuse has become one of the major reasons why marriages fail.

32. Divisions of Attention

Even though you love your partner, if your attention is divided into many things, and your priorities are not sorted. Somehow, you are taking the availability of your partner for granted and they do not feel valued and worthy in a marriage. It becomes one of the reasons why couples divorce even after 25 years of marriage.

the reunification plan book

Conclusions

This blog shares 32 overlooked reasons why marriages fail in today’s era. Marriage is becoming an anxiety for many married people and even those who are unmarried. Our perception of marriage is becoming negative, and these are some of the reasons why marriage fails for many and becomes a reason for depression for many. Learn more about the reasons for failed marriages and how to overcome the toxic marriage trauma with author Mark Schenkman, in his upcoming book, “The Reunification Plan”.

Learn more :

5 Effective Strategies for Healing from a Toxic Relationship

What is Trauma Bonding in Relationships | Identify & Recover

August 6, 2024
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5 Effective Strategies for Healing from a Toxic Relationship

By blogNo Comments

Relationships Trauma is part of every human’s life. Don’t think you are the only person in this world who had a tough time with love and relationships. Every one of us, at some point in life, felt like breaking into pieces because of this love. It’s okay when you have feelings for someone; you tend to surrender to pain, but sometimes, it’s not the same for the other person. The other person doesn’t feel what you feel. That’s when every beautiful feeling turns into a trauma. Heartbreaks kill your soul. A toxic relationship doesn’t just affect you but also every other aspect of your life. Therefore, you need to take a step toward healing, as it may kill the beauty of your current relationship as well. It is imperative to lead a better life. In this blog, we will discuss 5 Effective Strategies for Healing From a Toxic Relationship.

healing from a toxic relationship

Healing From a Toxic Relationship

It’s an unsaid fact that healing hurts even more than the injury itself. So, what you feel at once may be felt repeatedly- yes, in flashbacks. Until you overcome each and every bit of it, you will not fully heal from trauma. Do not run away from hurt; no one can escape; learn to fight your fear. Here are the strategies that will help with healing from a toxic relationship.

1.     Understand and Manage Your Emotions

You can control a lot of your problems if you begin to understand and manage your emotions. Controlling your nervous system may not be easy, but certainly not impossible. It requires you to manage your inner space. You can always find ways to calm yourself and manage intense emotions that overwhelm you because your nervous system is on high alert as a result of harrowing experiences from the past.

2.     Dealing with Negative Thoughts

The healing journey starts with gaining control over your negative thoughts. It’s normal for everyone to overthink the situations and brain-wrack all the positive and negative scenarios, but we have to control them. We need to control our minds to preserve our peace. Although traumatic experiences make us more susceptible to misinterpret even unharmful behaviors as a threat, we need to control our minds and let our reality win, not our assumptions.

3.     Allow Time to Heal

Remember, you are human, and if you cannot withstand the grief, don’t force yourself to be okay with that. Accept that you are hurt, and show compassion. Allow time to heal you; times heal even the deepest wound. Give yourself time, and you will see how things that could break you into pieces wouldn’t affect you even a bit. Just make things easy for you by controlling your thoughts, emotions, and triggers until time eventually heals you. Time is the best remedy to let go of past trauma and healing from a toxic relationship.

4.     Exercise and Movement

Be cautious of how you spend your time; if you keep lying in bed and let the flashbacks dwell in your mind, you will only suffer from pain. Instead, get up and spend time doing activities that put your body at ease. Go to the park for exercise, yoga, and meditation; movement of body and mind distraction is the best strategy for healing from a toxic relationship.

5.     Cut Off Contact Completely

If you stay connected to the person who gave you the trauma, you will never heal from it, no matter how much time has passed. Because memories will keep humming every time you interact with them, which may make you never get over it. If you truly want healing from a toxic relationship, cut off the contact completely.

6.     Consider PTSD Therapies

People who experience extreme trauma and toxicity in relationships or married life, such as death and bloody violence, often don’t heal by themselves. They are advised to take professional PTSD Therapies. Go and talk to a therapist. They will prescribe you medicine and therapies to help you overcome the aftereffects of trauma. You can also join support groups for trauma survivors. Sharing your experience and talking it out with someone who has been through a similar experience is the best strategy. Someone who can understand your pain and validate your feelings helps in healing from a toxic relationship. Therefore, PTSD Therapies can help in healing from a toxic relationship.

How Toxic Relationship Mess with Your Personality & your current relationship

Enduring toxic relations leaves side effects on your personality in several ways. Even if it was a previous relationship, it makes things complicated in your current life and relationship. It takes a huge effort to take a step towards finding peace after a toxic relationship. What you show is a trauma response. Even if your loved ones show empathy, they fail at connecting with you because you build the coping mechanism to aggressively detach yourself.

Side effects of a toxic relationship

Primitive Fights Response

Primitive flight response of fight response is one of the ways we tend to react after we have been in a traumatic relationship. Primitive flight response is an automatic response we make in harmful situations. One of the aftereffects of a past toxic relationship is that you become more sensitive to your surroundings because you fear the previous situation will occur again. Even though the current situation is not that harmful, your response always becomes a turn-off because you face trauma. It’s the most common problem people face while healing from a traumatic event.

Excessive Non-Accepting Stage

A person experiencing the aftereffects of a toxic relationship may begin to dissociate with people. They remain in an excessive emotional state all the time, making it difficult for their loved ones to share a healthy bond. Healthy conversations that lighten your heart are important. Even future connections can be ruined because of the toxicity of your past relationship.

Paranoid Behavior

Paranoid behavior is another way unhealed trauma results from a past toxic relationship. Paranoid behavior is a coping mechanism that develops in you after you go through a life-altering bad experience. Paranoid behavior not only keeps you unhappy but also makes it difficult for you to connect with people.

Distrust

People’s unresolved trauma from previous toxic often becomes problematic for their partners, even though they are not intrinsically like that. They are so much fixated on their past trauma that they show distrust when something actually good happens, and they feel it intensely. Even though they eagerly want assurance, and they end up with a self-fulfilling prophecy. This can make your partner feel helpless, even if they genuinely love you.

the reunification plan book

Conclusion

Healing requires conscious efforts because healing hurts, and it is also one of the signs you’re healing from a toxic relationship. How unhealed trauma shows in relationships varies as per the intensity of your experience.  Some people are unable to identify toxic relationships. A person dealing with violence in the name of love, over possessiveness, is often unaware that he is in a toxic relationship. Similarly, emotional blackmailing and manipulation play their part. This blog shares strategies that help you identify and heal from a toxic relationship.

If you want to understand more about toxic marriages, trauma bond relationships, and coping strategies to overcome it, author Mark Sahenkman has a complete guide to recovery process.

Learn more: healing from a toxic relationship book

July 15, 2024
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What is Trauma Bonding in Relationships | 10 Signs to Identify

By blogNo Comments

Trauma bonding is an oblivious condition that many of us experience in our relationships, where we stop resisting the things that actually hurt, and we make peace with the chaos. We accept and surrender to the things that actually inflict pain on us. Trauma bonding in relationships occurs when one person becomes so submissive to his/her partner and silently endures their abusive behavior. In most cases, they begin to feel the abuser’s behavior is justified and have some reasons to behave the way they are acting. If you are facing a similar situation in your relationship where you are stuck and confused about whose mistake it is, but the person who gets hurt every time is definitely you, then this blog has a lot to teach you. In this blog, we will discuss what is trauma bonding in relationships. What are the signs of trauma bonding? Whether are you affected by a trauma bond? These Signs will give you a clear understanding of trauma bonding in relationships.

Trauma bonding in relationships

10 Signs of Trauma Bonding in Relationships

People with poor mental health and low self-esteem problems can easily fall for trauma-bond relationships. Similarly, people with narcissistic personalities can also induce an abusive relationship, and their partners often turn out to be the victims of trauma bonds. Because narcissistic people always play victim even if they are the ones abusing others. They make it sound like their abuse is justified. Here, with these signs of trauma bond discussed, you will learn what trauma bonding is in relationships. Once you identify, you will definitely learn how can you fix a trauma bond relationship.

What are the Signs of Trauma?

Here are 10 signs that you would experience in your relationships that may depict a beginning of the trauma bond or an indication that you are already in it. Knowing what trauma bonding is in relationships is more important in order to detach yourself before you get irreparably hurt.

1-      Fear of Being Alone

Attachment is one of the reasons why people endure even extremely abusive relationships. The fear of being alone doesn’t just stop you from leaving a toxic relationship but instigate wrong decision-making. It is one of the signs of a trauma bond relationship. Abandonment is one of the biggest fears for many of us when we are looking for support in life. Since humans can’t live in isolation, we are wired to grow with love and support. Loss of love in our lives leaves us miserable. In the hope of finding love, we often stick to toxic relationships and end up creating a traumatic bond in a relationship. Do you want to learn how to overcome the fear of being abandoned? Start loving yourself and feel complete within yourself instead of depending on other people to make you happy.

signs of trauma bonding in relationships

  2-    Gaslighting

A trauma bond relationship doesn’t start with extreme hurtful events. It always starts with slightly uncomfortable events happening on a gradual basis. When you point out the mistreatment, you are encountering severe setbacks because your partner dismisses your feelings. They gaslight you into believing that what you feel is the misconception of your mind. In reality, however, they never change their behavior.

3-      Continuous Cycles of Abuse

In a trauma-bonded relationship, a person feels excessive attachment towards their abusive partner and ends up accepting things they would’ve never accepted in other conditions. There is a continuous cycle of abuse that one can feel but feel unable to point out because of the fear of losing their partner. Instead, you begin to believe that there is some reason why something bad happened to you, and it was your mistake for such a thing to occur. If something like that happens, then it is a sign of Trauma Bonding in Relationships.

4-      Lost Self-Worth

Another big sign of trauma bonding in relationships is that you feel like your self-worth is lost in proofing yourself, appeasing them, and always agreeing with them. The relationship begins to give you self-worth issues when one person is indifferent, and another keeps giving his/her best in order to maintain the relationship. Continuous one-side effort can hurt your self-esteem, which can tremendously damage your self-worth and self-confidence. If you feel like your self worth has vanished, this is one of the signs it’s a trauma bond, not love.

trauma bonding in relationships

5-      Excessive Obsession

Obsession with the person you love is a natural phenomenon. However, this obsession can turn into abuse and suffocation when you disregard your partner’s feelings. Excessive obsession can be troublesome for both you and your partner when you make them suppress their feelings and wishes just because you want them to be a certain way. Though you may fear losing them, it turns out to be unintentionally abusive to your partner. Because Excessive obsession results in excessive control. After some time, you would wonder whether it is a love or trauma bond. When you show excessive obsession and distrust, it may severely hurt your relationship, and you won’t know when it will turn into an abusive trauma bond.

6-      Self-Blame and Internalized Anger

If you keep resenting yourself in a relationship and never speak about what’s making you uneasy, you will begin to internalize anger. This can cause trouble because things that aren’t confronted ooze out in your behavior in a different way. Which can hurt you and your partner; you have to learn to make things work and take your anger out in a healthy way. Otherwise, your relationship would turn abusive in no time.

7-      Physical Violence

If you are in a relationship where passive physical violence is becoming a normal thing. This is sheer abuse and the biggest sign of Trauma Bonding in a Relationship. If your partner in any way makes it sound like violence is okay or gaslighting you over pointing it out, then you need to take it as a sign to make a hard decision for yourself. What you are experiencing right now, if you endure it forever, then it’s time to get yourself out of it.

trauma bonding in relationships

8-     Hoping for them to Change

One of the biggest signs of an abusive relationship is you are tired of their constant hurtful behavior, and the only reason that makes you stay is that you hope for them to change. You can’t sacrifice your happiness on a chance; you can’t chase happiness on someone’s potential to become a changed person. If there are some genuine reasons for a certain act, you can be empathetic towards that person. Hope for them to change with no clarity is a clear sign of Trauma Bonding in a Relationship.

9-      Love bombing at first

If you are in a relationship with a Narcissist, then you will experience an abundant amount of love and care at first. Then, gradually, bit by bit, they would take away the attention, love, and care from you and make you crave it. Since you have already seen a good side of their personality, you would do everything it takes to bring back that loving and caring person that you once saw in them. This cycle of inconsistent love and attention can turn your relationship into a trauma. That’s how trauma bonding in relationships begin.

trauma bonding in relationships

10-    Constant feeling of being unloved

Feeling lonely being a single person is a common thing, but if you feel lonely after being in a relationship, this is more disturbing. You felt loved at the beginning of your relationship, but after that, you feel like you are craving for love. Relationships can nurture you or make you miserable. The constant feeling of being unloved can damage you as a person, your confidence level, your self-esteem, and your ability to grow. This feeling creates a trauma- bonding in relationships that only takes your happiness away.

Every one of us faces one or a few of these problems in our relationships at least once in a while, possibly due to arguments and fights. This is okay; we often feel this because of high sensitivity towards our partner. However, if these problems are all that you have in your entire relationship, these are clear signs of a trauma bond relationship. You should learn about how can you break a trauma bond and stay together.

Trauma bond withdrawal symptoms

When you try to break a trauma bond, you may have a difficult time adjusting to a new environment. You would badly crave the rare affection you felt in your relationship. At other times, you will dwell on disturbing flashbacks that cause anxiety and depression, which is one of the biggest reasons why is it so hard to break a trauma bond. You may feel like your body is falling, your heart is wrenching, and you may feel lost without that person. These are all trauma bond withdrawal symptoms.

Conclusion

Trauma Bonding in a Relationship is not just restricted to spouses or love relationships. It is also experienced in other relations such as friendship, parents, siblings, and any other relations where you are emotionally invested to the extent that you blur the difference between abuse and support. You are blindfolded by the loves that you condone, the things you would never appreciate if you think neutrally. If you are experiencing these situations in your relationship, and it is getting unbearable with each passing day, then you need to sort out your emotions. If you don’t want to live like that forever, then you need to do something about it right now. Learn more about dealing with trauma bonding in relationships with author Mark Schenkman” his recent release, “The Reunification Plan,” is what you need if you are experiencing such troubles in your life.

He helps you to stand up for yourself before it’s too late for you. Only you can save yourself.

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Get the book on Amazon, NOW! 

July 10, 2024
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