Trauma bonding is an oblivious condition that many of us experience in our relationships, where we stop resisting the things that actually hurt, and we make peace with the chaos. We accept and surrender to the things that actually inflict pain on us. Trauma bonding in relationships occurs when one person becomes so submissive to his/her partner and silently endures their abusive behavior. In most cases, they begin to feel the abuser’s behavior is justified and have some reasons to behave the way they are acting. If you are facing a similar situation in your relationship where you are stuck and confused about whose mistake it is, but the person who gets hurt every time is definitely you, then this blog has a lot to teach you. In this blog, we will discuss what is trauma bonding in relationships. What are the signs of trauma bonding? Whether are you affected by a trauma bond? These Signs will give you a clear understanding of trauma bonding in relationships.
10 Signs of Trauma Bonding in Relationships
People with poor mental health and low self-esteem problems can easily fall for trauma-bond relationships. Similarly, people with narcissistic personalities can also induce an abusive relationship, and their partners often turn out to be the victims of trauma bonds. Because narcissistic people always play victim even if they are the ones abusing others. They make it sound like their abuse is justified. Here, with these signs of trauma bond discussed, you will learn what trauma bonding is in relationships. Once you identify, you will definitely learn how can you fix a trauma bond relationship.
What are the Signs of Trauma?
Here are 10 signs that you would experience in your relationships that may depict a beginning of the trauma bond or an indication that you are already in it. Knowing what trauma bonding is in relationships is more important in order to detach yourself before you get irreparably hurt.
1- Fear of Being Alone
Attachment is one of the reasons why people endure even extremely abusive relationships. The fear of being alone doesn’t just stop you from leaving a toxic relationship but instigate wrong decision-making. It is one of the signs of a trauma bond relationship. Abandonment is one of the biggest fears for many of us when we are looking for support in life. Since humans can’t live in isolation, we are wired to grow with love and support. Loss of love in our lives leaves us miserable. In the hope of finding love, we often stick to toxic relationships and end up creating a traumatic bond in a relationship. Do you want to learn how to overcome the fear of being abandoned? Start loving yourself and feel complete within yourself instead of depending on other people to make you happy.
2- Gaslighting
A trauma bond relationship doesn’t start with extreme hurtful events. It always starts with slightly uncomfortable events happening on a gradual basis. When you point out the mistreatment, you are encountering severe setbacks because your partner dismisses your feelings. They gaslight you into believing that what you feel is the misconception of your mind. In reality, however, they never change their behavior.
3- Continuous Cycles of Abuse
In a trauma-bonded relationship, a person feels excessive attachment towards their abusive partner and ends up accepting things they would’ve never accepted in other conditions. There is a continuous cycle of abuse that one can feel but feel unable to point out because of the fear of losing their partner. Instead, you begin to believe that there is some reason why something bad happened to you, and it was your mistake for such a thing to occur. If something like that happens, then it is a sign of Trauma Bonding in Relationships.
4- Lost Self-Worth
Another big sign of trauma bonding in relationships is that you feel like your self-worth is lost in proofing yourself, appeasing them, and always agreeing with them. The relationship begins to give you self-worth issues when one person is indifferent, and another keeps giving his/her best in order to maintain the relationship. Continuous one-side effort can hurt your self-esteem, which can tremendously damage your self-worth and self-confidence. If you feel like your self worth has vanished, this is one of the signs it’s a trauma bond, not love.
5- Excessive Obsession
Obsession with the person you love is a natural phenomenon. However, this obsession can turn into abuse and suffocation when you disregard your partner’s feelings. Excessive obsession can be troublesome for both you and your partner when you make them suppress their feelings and wishes just because you want them to be a certain way. Though you may fear losing them, it turns out to be unintentionally abusive to your partner. Because Excessive obsession results in excessive control. After some time, you would wonder whether it is a love or trauma bond. When you show excessive obsession and distrust, it may severely hurt your relationship, and you won’t know when it will turn into an abusive trauma bond.
6- Self-Blame and Internalized Anger
If you keep resenting yourself in a relationship and never speak about what’s making you uneasy, you will begin to internalize anger. This can cause trouble because things that aren’t confronted ooze out in your behavior in a different way. Which can hurt you and your partner; you have to learn to make things work and take your anger out in a healthy way. Otherwise, your relationship would turn abusive in no time.
7- Physical Violence
If you are in a relationship where passive physical violence is becoming a normal thing. This is sheer abuse and the biggest sign of Trauma Bonding in a Relationship. If your partner in any way makes it sound like violence is okay or gaslighting you over pointing it out, then you need to take it as a sign to make a hard decision for yourself. What you are experiencing right now, if you endure it forever, then it’s time to get yourself out of it.
8- Hoping for them to Change
One of the biggest signs of an abusive relationship is you are tired of their constant hurtful behavior, and the only reason that makes you stay is that you hope for them to change. You can’t sacrifice your happiness on a chance; you can’t chase happiness on someone’s potential to become a changed person. If there are some genuine reasons for a certain act, you can be empathetic towards that person. Hope for them to change with no clarity is a clear sign of Trauma Bonding in a Relationship.
9- Love bombing at first
If you are in a relationship with a Narcissist, then you will experience an abundant amount of love and care at first. Then, gradually, bit by bit, they would take away the attention, love, and care from you and make you crave it. Since you have already seen a good side of their personality, you would do everything it takes to bring back that loving and caring person that you once saw in them. This cycle of inconsistent love and attention can turn your relationship into a trauma. That’s how trauma bonding in relationships begin.
10- Constant feeling of being unloved
Feeling lonely being a single person is a common thing, but if you feel lonely after being in a relationship, this is more disturbing. You felt loved at the beginning of your relationship, but after that, you feel like you are craving for love. Relationships can nurture you or make you miserable. The constant feeling of being unloved can damage you as a person, your confidence level, your self-esteem, and your ability to grow. This feeling creates a trauma- bonding in relationships that only takes your happiness away.
Every one of us faces one or a few of these problems in our relationships at least once in a while, possibly due to arguments and fights. This is okay; we often feel this because of high sensitivity towards our partner. However, if these problems are all that you have in your entire relationship, these are clear signs of a trauma bond relationship. You should learn about how can you break a trauma bond and stay together.
Trauma bond withdrawal symptoms
When you try to break a trauma bond, you may have a difficult time adjusting to a new environment. You would badly crave the rare affection you felt in your relationship. At other times, you will dwell on disturbing flashbacks that cause anxiety and depression, which is one of the biggest reasons why is it so hard to break a trauma bond. You may feel like your body is falling, your heart is wrenching, and you may feel lost without that person. These are all trauma bond withdrawal symptoms.
Conclusion
Trauma Bonding in a Relationship is not just restricted to spouses or love relationships. It is also experienced in other relations such as friendship, parents, siblings, and any other relations where you are emotionally invested to the extent that you blur the difference between abuse and support. You are blindfolded by the loves that you condone, the things you would never appreciate if you think neutrally. If you are experiencing these situations in your relationship, and it is getting unbearable with each passing day, then you need to sort out your emotions. If you don’t want to live like that forever, then you need to do something about it right now. Learn more about dealing with trauma bonding in relationships with author Mark Schenkman” his recent release, “The Reunification Plan,” is what you need if you are experiencing such troubles in your life.
He helps you to stand up for yourself before it’s too late for you. Only you can save yourself.
